"it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong..
here's to evth that comes down to nothing"

i cant sleep &decided to blog bout my feelings cos i kinda feel shitty right now .

i think im a pretty messed up girl.
why th fuck am i so complicated.

im sorry , i really feel so pathetic right now. i always let my anger get th best of me. but i somehow managed to control my feelings this time. y'know just cool down, cry a river, &just reflect. but moments ago, evth just proved to be unnecessary. i feel like youre pushing me away. yeah i was kind of harsh in my previous posts. i felt like i was being toyed, really. when you were here, its like u talked to me so often.. i even remembered you msging me bout how you felt when you couldnt sleep one night even tho i was sleeping. then now, overseas &your internet all. i guess u went there too sudden &it was hard for me to adapt to changes. that made me make stupid assumptions.


i really feel so guilty for th situation right now. im sorry.


whats my damn problem ?
i really dont know..

ya i understand. like totally.
just.. enjoy your time there.

seems like im never gona get this to you altho i dropped like super enormous hints.


whatever;

anyway, thanks isa for accompanying me today(:
i had my stiches on my gums removed &finally got to eat beef! &also, thanks isa for getting me a cheap deal for my adaptor(:
owe you one.

just find me when you're bored. im really tired of this.

you dont even care bout my welfare when im sick. why do i even bother.

terase ? then better knock urself hard on th head now,

&tell yourself that youre really one stupid jerk &try to change th situation now.

dont bother asking me if im referring to you, cos i wont admit.

headache. bye.

how are you? hope you're doing fine. sigh:'(

ytd was tiring, its like i was exercising th whole day when it was just a simple outing with gfs. this surgeory thing is really irritating th shit out of me . i dont want to eat today=no mood to study at all. not that im not thankful for th trouble my mum went thru cooking porridge just for me. but im just so fucking sick of eating liquid food &right now. i feel so.. drained. you know like sayur layu like that. ugh !

&worst, i feel like everyone around me is so distant. y'know, i can rly cry a river right now.

HI. my cheeks are still at its swelling state but oh well. i miss my gfs &im really stressed out cos i cant eat whatever i want &i've been revising alot just to kill time &i cant play my sims3 yet.

so im off to sentosa with th girls tmr(: hehe ((:

hi. aftereffects of surgeory ): look at th cheeks! )):

1st day, starts swelling.

2nd day, twice th size. looks like im keeping 2 fishball inside my cheeks-.-

okay, really ugly but i just thought i shd show you people so in case you guys have a wisdom tooth growing, u may need to extract it out, like me . hahaha.

im getting really paranoid bout th surgeory tmr , really .

just read details bout th surgeory &it's after effects.

• swelling; it'll reach its max size in 3 days..
• cant open my jaw fully.
• HAVE to brush me teeth with th stitches &wound for 1 week.
• discolouration (blue black)of th skin over th jaw.
• &there's 4 tooth to be extracted thats still forming inside my gums.

there's more facts. omfg, im really afraid of going thru th pain..

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

i have to do this. i have to think of my feelings for now instead of others.

yesterday;
went to accompany Dzu &haikal to th electronics shop. walked around but couldn't find what Dzu wanted. &my blisters got worse.
then Dzu decided to blanje th 3 of us a movie (: wanted to watch drag me to hell, but haikal caught it already.
so we caught ghosts of girlfriends past, my idea of course :D thanks Dzu !

today, more of a revision day. time to catch up with daily revisions.
guess what? my current lappy 's adaptor wire thing is damaged. wires can be seen sticking out. &so, i cant charge my lappy. sigh, just hope parents are holding on to their promise.
im thinking of Acer, it's thin &sleeq &worth th kaching((:

ok im damn bored, sims oh sims. sigh .

Troubles are just temporary, for now.
just put your mind &soul in Os people.

d&t is a must to get a distinction. endure endure!
it isnt rude to fight for your rights. it isn't defiant to come to lessons on th actual timing when being asked to come earlier. one more thing, so what if im a fucking leader? oops, was. i stepped down remember ? ya ya, a leader, always a leader. i dont take that shit anymore since my Os are much more important, since i DO have a life rather than doing d&t th whole day. sorry, but i dont think that im in th wrong.

Any recomendations on laptops, poople? eliz say VAIO no good):
i need to make a decision before thursday):
cos friday's my teeth surgeory *freaks out*

you're gona be mine soon babyy (:

so, went funan again tho i upgraded th RAM to 2GB ytd. but my laptop couldn't take th graphics or what shit tho th running of th game was smooth, cos my laptop zaman kuno ah, grr.
im so kental laaa. when i discovered my RAM wasnt enough, i cried. &today, when th salesguy said my lappy didnt have a graphic card &CANNOT be installed inside, i saw my life falling apart. like,- kepiang! &i was gona cry, but duh. i didnt, well, not in th public.

hahahahaha, sims oh sims. when can i get to play you without any distubance. haii.
yeah , call me a no-lifer. but hey, its better than to have your heart broken by a guy or pick up bad habits. right right but still, lucky i have good time management (:

OH! of course my parents saw my pathetic face, &they offered...
to buy me a new lappy ! :D
soon! cos they they think im stressed out due to studies &cos i couldnt play my sims to relax my mind-.- they're scared i'd commit suicide. HAHA. i may okay!

heheheh, i lovelove my parents<3 i owe them alot alot. lucky i've been doing my revision.
ok now , STUDY !

patience is a virtue (:

look at my facebook, th survey made me jump for joy mann (:
&my parents are bringing me to upgrade my lappy like now. hopefully i can do evth by today.
yeah, i would do anything to play my sims3. my boyf fr now.
patience is really a virtue(:

(guardpost guy hehe) says:
Sims is your everythin edi..
lucky you tkde BF

if not sure your bf tinggalkan you haha

I say:

.....
ya lucky i no boyf.
i got boyf also, i dump my boyf for my sims .

HAHAHAHA

kidding kidding .

million smiles! :DDDDD

gay brother.

"YOU'RE SO GAY, & YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE BOYS"

right now, i really feel so kental + frustrated at th same time(:

linking to th previous post, im boiling right now.i've been staying at home doing ALOT of revision, fucking stressed out. a good time to play sims 3 but ...
i couldn't. lazy to rant, just guess why i couldn't. fucker.

i really think those fuckers who upload sims3 online &allow people to download it for free should just fucking die.
do you guys know how difficult it is to create such an amazing game ? a game that can make you stick to th computer screen 24/7 without you realising th time.
&how unfair it is for people like ME, who starved just to fucking buy th game !

gosh, to those people who thinks of downloading th game illegally, just fuck off & dont let me know. i'd probably start cursing you up down left right ! ugh.

HOW I WISH I COULD JUST KILL A BOY (NOT YET A MAN)!

whats MY defination of a gentleman ?
-Always gives in to girls even tho they'll be at loss.
-DOES NOT THREATEN TO BEAT GIRLS(or worse, really hitting them)
-there are more, but im lazy to type cos i need to vent my anger now.

today, this stupid asshole who i thought was cute, took my chair in d&t. &i didnt confront him cos i was too tired doing my artefact. so close one eye. i STOOD FOR TH REST OF TH LESSON DOING MY ARTEFACT. &THEN RIGHT, when it's time to go home, we had to return th chairs, &he had th fucking guts to ask me to keep th chair cos he claim its MINE, when he fucking stole it away from me for HIM TO SEAT. stupid dickhead, face cute but attitude like fuck. TURN-OFF SIA!

&guess what, when i returned home, my abang was playing my sims3. without my permission! his lappy, but MY sims3 CD. like what i mentioned in ytd's post, he didnt allow me to play. &my straightener got thrown away by mum because of HIM. so net if he keep stealing my sims to play, my sims3 CD kena thrown?! where's th justice man?!

guy friends, brother.. dont get me started on this love thingy.

GUYS, WAKE UP LA PLEASE. UR MENTALITY THAT SLOW AH?!

random ranting

cb ah, i want to play my sims3 but my abang dont allow me use his laptop. i want upgrade my stupid lappy lah. so old, ketinggalan zaman nye laptop da lah takde msn. da lah lag. da lah RAM so little. omfg la, i feel like throwing you away u ugly thing. hahahahaha ok no. been doing d&t for long hours this whole week. damn shag. my hands becoming like guys one, hahaha. lessons starts from morning. suck or what. i have eyebags. cos i can only use when abang's done using his lappy, which is like 11pm. wth right, have abang like this. im short of cash, i need $ badly. i miss you la actually.hahahahhaa. whatever la idiot. i still have smth against you. i have a black heart made of acrylic. suits you dude(:

cant wait for sentosa. cant wait for sec1 ncdcc camp.

"when you take, you take th very best of me."

-last year .

so fat right ?
im fatter now. so damn fat.
FAT Ly.
fatty bom BOM GEDEBOM!!!

chips+mash potato+popeye's bread+macs now.
how can i not be fat-.-

i learned how to play mahjong recently !! :D

last minute getaway to msia:D

"You never did give a damn thing, honey.
But I cried, cried for you."

ok a quick one. cos i only had 3 hours of sleep at th hotel, oh did i mention. i played sims 3 th whole time i was there. nah enjoy th snapshots :D


okay dah stop ly. dont worry ppl, im not a hardcore gamer. of course i went out too . nah enjoy :D


others on facebook. i lazy upload all here. BAAAAAAAAAAAAIIII ! :)

aaron's 16th chalet

"yeah yeah I knowww, I know it's kinda late.

But Happy Birthday ((:"

16 already , stop being mean to me. thanks to ur genes im hodoh okay!
hahaha, no la, you have my fullest respect as a friend &like you always say,
always keep smiling!
sorry i left without a notice yesterday. was rushing & you were having fun.
didnt wana spoil th mood(:
________

okay im done with th birthday post. im going to johor soon. i haven't even pack my bag yet. &yes i'll be spending one night there.
my chance to bring my bro's lappy &play th sims 3 there. hehehe.


one thought of you is all it takes to leave th rest of th world behind..

only god knows eh .

i fucking hate being accused, i swore to god , i didnt steal her money.
what else you want ?
i saved my own fucking money that u gave, which is JUST RIGHT for my lunch everyday,
just to do my hair and buy my sims3 & i told u earlier on i will do it with my friends.
now ure saying u forgot ?
ure fucking unreasonable . theres no reason for me to not be angry with you .
fuckshit, i cant stand this, i cant stand you .

finally, after th long wait ..

YESSSSS I BOUGHT IT!! :DDD

BUT GUESS WHAT, MY LAPPY DOESNT SUPPORT SOME SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS!
CAN PLAY, BUT LAG AND SLOW! )):
my bro's lappy meets ALL th system requirements, but takkan want to disturb his lappy.. haaii.

GRRR , I NEED TO CHANGE MY WINDOWS TO VISTA ONE, SOON
money ?? )":
______________________

anyway, me &fawwaz had a fruitful talk about our future career.

we somehow want th same thing, &i know that being a designer is a hard job, wont have a big salary.
so.. im going to go design poly. but if i can make it into jc, i will only want to go to temasek jc. so if cannot make it to temasek jc, i'll go to poly (:
then try my best and make it into university. graduate, &go into civil defence as a paramedic (:
with a degree, i can secure at th least, a lieutenant position, if im not wrong. with a starting pay of like 5k ?
fucking cool or what.

better than being a designer, u have to be one of th famous ones to earn a good pay of only like 2-3k per month. no matter how hard u work.

okay, then become paramedic ready , i want to live in a condominium.
get a blue sexy sports car.
marry a hot + must be rich guy, but not a workaholic.
&live happily ever after(: screw that. hahahaha.
then i must have a baby boy first&then a baby girl(insyaallah). then th abang can take care of th smaller adek(: cute right?!

imagine th good life...

how i wish my life would go as planned. HAHAHAH.

dont forget

"Did you regret ever standing by my side?
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned"

whatever ibu, i dont do what u say , so what? BH is not th only way to improve my malay. it sucks. even my cikgu says so. i never liked reading BH. berita merepek & i dont even like th smell of newspaper in th first place. i know how to study, i know what to do. i dont like people telling me to do something i dont think is right. you dont like me being interested in th design courses? too bad, i wont do smth i dont enjoy or not having interest in. e.g. JC. i may go there, but dont force me to . cos i just fucking hate being told to make a specific decision. dont allow me to retake malay Os? then why abang gets to do so ? he still got a b3 after retaking it okay. yeah whatever, i guess all i can do is pray &hope for th best for today's malay Os. even my tutor gives me positive remarks despite my grades! dont have faith in me sudah laaaaaa!

enough of ranting. sims3 is in stores tmr, i think?
or is it just th launching date at bugis.. school tmr is even until 5 !
what th fuuccck laaaaaa, hai. i'll wait for thursday or smth, i guess ):