guilt is like written all over my face nw.
my dad knows the password to my laptop.
&he's been trying to log in again &again.
so evtm he types the pass, he will ask me whats the 2nd name.
&he will keep on saying the 1st name in a very irritating tone.
im lyk dammn scared nww.

pfft.

OMGWTH. nw he's asking me hu is that guy. &i syiok sendiri nyanyi rain rain go away. matii !
:(

And there's no sense in playing games, when i've done all i can do.

i keep feeling hungry but evtm i eat, i feel like, ugh.
idk why i feel so dizzy and etvh. whatever.
yeah, maybe i shd.

just shut up lyana. shut up.

BLAHH. IDK. thers like anger and misunderstandings everywher.
&the thought he might just play with my feelings again is soo disturbing.

gah. i am free nw and he havent reply since 7in the morn.
sleeping? idk! idk!
i am so scared):

fuckk fuck. why no food in the kitchen. im f.ing starving. and my stomach feels like shit &painful noww. damnit uh.

today was hell loads of fun. so many tattoos on me(: cool eh.
thanks kyra,nana, meryl for today. love u guys alot(:

Nothing I could ever do to make you see, what you mean to me.
dude, ure the best part of my day. ilysm(:

i slept late and woke up early?
im having like flu in the morningg. rawwr.

i cant beleif this is actually happening? heh.
woke up thinking it was just a dream, but no.
i remember meryl nudging me in msn. AHAH.

wokay. bedok to study with ir,milo &meryl later.
sayonara(:

please, all i ask for is not to screw me again like u did last time.
im really scared of getting hurt again, &this is really making it hard for me to trust you.

there're hearts all over the world tonite(:
i love you.

everybody's gona love today, love today, love today!
(:

okaaayyyee. cd today. was quite fun.
eh no. very extremely fun.
cos it was fawwaz bdae. we sprayed him wif hosereel. seriously funny.
Natasha came to visit us. then we had flour and wip cream evth. kecoh mann.
aku love cd(:
then ms foong bought a big cake for fawwaz. more piak piak;
hehh. i was dirty frm top to toe. my hair sucks like shit. oke whatever seh.
then gg home time, myra huda &me wanted to take 45 to tana mera. but it came late &we wanted to walk in the rainn.
we sang, hujan makin lebat. freaking coldd oke. but fun uh(:

then 12-ed home with izzah! hee(: had a very fruitful talk with her.
yaye. i love you, you & you &everyonne(:


aniway, is it a problem i dont like wearing shorts underneath?
is it a problem a friend needs my help to change skirts for a while?
IS IT A PROBLEM IF I MIX AROUND WITH PEOPLE LIKE ISA, ARVIND ETC?
CAUSE WHY, IVE HAD ENOUGH OF U GUYS INSULTING ME INDIRECTLY WHEN IM FREAKING ALONE WITH BOTH OF YOU.
WHAT? AKU SLENGE? FINE UH. BUT DONT EXPECT ME TO JUST SHUT UP WHENEVER U GUYS CRITISIZE ME.
MY PATIENCE HAS ITS LIMITS OKE?
just think la, have i ever talked like that to you?
have i ever larang you to mix wif certain people? no.
if i had a choice, i wont want to use that short skirt oke. but my friend needs my help, &i was gna change to my cd uniform aniway.
why did u make a big deal out of a short skirt aniway? pfft. whatever la sia.

&isa, why are u ignoring me? yeah, i kno it hurts seeing me. but we can still be like normal frens right? its lyk, here i am trying to get to you. but u simply ignore me. but if that is what u reli want, then oh well. just dont regret uh.


youre cute, hot, and verryyy hot(: iloveyouu(:

durrkk. today, um. fun? lol.

how can u call him dog? >:(
&she didnt call anione to come. we came by ourselves to herr. ure the one who called back up.
u want the truth? we gave u the truth(: ta-daaa(:

there're hearts all over the worrld tonite(: my throat painn paiinn):

Cos im afraid to know the answer.
Baby, you're the best part of my day;
I need you boo.

um, what is the blue, mild marlboro card for? u are so weird-_-


oke. soo. today, no training. lepak under block with syir &bedah. poof puff peef. oke, ive got to stop.
went back to skul &met up with 3e peeps aft thier fieldd tripp. aww. they had fun watching cats &dogs shit &pee. hehh.
went to playgrnd at bedok ria ther. bedah went wif her boyfie. meryl milo myra &me, exercised. cool shit uh? (:
we practised fighting. really. catfight. hehh(: meryl was like on top of me cos i pretended to be that boobless noob.
meryl, i kno u wana fuck me, but i wna lose my virginity to guys, not you(: NYAHH(: k whatever.
aniway, sorry meryl. it'll be my first &last red pack. i promise(:


went home at 6? k ciaos.
wansuey sayo(:

AKU TAK SLENGE LA KORANNG. HMPF.
STOP KOLING ME SLENGE CAN? OKE GOOD(:
kyra, not my fault i dont kno what is gado gado. i dont eat them ; bongok. hee(:

AKU NAK PUKUUL DIAA ! KO SIKIT SNGT KAWAN, TAKUT AKU CURI KEPEEE.
like what myra like to say, i see ur face, i not happyy .


i can never be myself when i see you. lyk wtfuckk. all i can reply to him is a simple 'oke'.go jump down lyly(:


shd i stay or shd i go?

abang, i love u la sey. next time gimme the whole pack oke (:

I'm sitting here all by myself
just trying to think of something to do
Trying to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you.
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind


yoo. whats happening to me. i can go gileer anytimee.
&i rly wana send the message kyra helped me write. but im scared of getting rejected?
lol. i miss uu.
all of a sudden last night, i remebered last year's sec2 camp? heh.
can we bring ytd back arnd?


was dumb, was wrong, i let u downn.

um . i guess today's a happy day ?
was late in the morn, so cabbed to school.
someone fainted at my bus stop o.o lucky our school didnt celebrate total defence day today,
or i would be in my uniform and would have had to help.

whatever . &i had to clean up 3d while kyra, 3e.
plus, i had to sit at detention corner and write a relection for short skirt etc.
but cool uh. gt to see many guides, npcc. &those sayos(:
so yeah, i couldnt run away frm that person. cos i had to sit at the detention corner.

then stuff happened. bedahh. cheer up oke.
maybe thers a misunderstanding. maybe not.
its like so mean for him to shout2 at you. f.ing bastard la oke.
i felt like daammn scared when he got rough wif you.
gah. guys. pfft. they cant be trusteedd.
im not encouraging u to break or anth, jus pikir masak2 oke?
we'll be here for you no matter what happens(:

aniway. bedah was damn saad. so she wanted sticks.
she asked from that sayo who was sleeping/.
er what?-__-
went outside skul, puff poof peef.
we were both dizzy. idk why. lol.
both of us talktalk bout those we lovelove.
&also bout our familyy.
so saad seyy):

went back to skul . &ther was alot of chasing.
i felt scared &just walked on first.
had to go off earlier to fetch adek.


LYLY:]:
brani dier kacau my poor hotstuff .
LYLY:]:
garr.

LOL. BITCH., PEOPLE HATES YOUU. KO NYE TANGAN RINGAN?
KITE NYE TANGAN LAGIKK RINGAN(:
one more thing, i hate ur face. seriously, eww.

my laptop is sent for repair. &most prob, all the files will be deleted.
whatthefucckk. that one&only picture i took wif that person, ntah ke mane. fuckk ?

I stray from love, cos it's hurting me to let it go.
um, i miss you?
):

today, is valentines day. lovve is in the airr~


oke whatever. got called up for latecoming today.
& during lesson. i was caught by abraham; for short skirt and hair?
nabei. oke, i was tying my hair so i will like look neat, &she came in frm the back door,
&asked what i was doing. so i quickly tied up my hair &she asked to clear the rubbish bin area ther.
i tak sempat clip my fringe, &she scolded.
she saw my ear sticks etcetc.
she made me pull my fringe back &sit at her corner for a while.,

then went back class, &was kind of terperanjat.
replied that person late cos was at abraham's corner. heh. sorry(:
yo. u made my day oke. tho my wish for today didnt come true, partly it did. so im gna be thankful,
hehh . ily(:

so had to meet her aft skul but find alasan, say i got dnt.
padahal i skip. hahhhaaa.

sorry kyra for slapping ur thighs like, god damn hard.
&bedah for jumping on the sit . too excited uh. hee(:

blabla. went to meet kyra's sufian at bedok ria playgrnd ther.
puffff poof peef,
kyra helped me wrote an sms to him. but i didnt wana send cos i will sound like a freaking despo.
&im afraid of being rejected. aniway, thanks eh kyra(:

went to bedok with wenjia milo and meryl.
i swear milo is damnn giler .

sayo, iridana, myra, syire, kyra, bedah, meryl, wenjia, yuexin, mabelle &more.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCHH(:
i still love those that are not mentioned oke(:

milo, fuck you. nak paiseh orang use him. garr. i miss that hot voice okaay.

tho i tot he was an apek talking to me -.-

haha. janggut tak shave! LOL.

omg. i found this cos i went to my archives. it was durng october? cant believe my feelings are still the same after months:(

i no hope in love at all seh.
im ready to
sacrifice anth;but fuccckkk.
unavailable?okay lahh.
all the best with
any new girl u have.seriously.
im ready for anth that's coming my way.
idontcare if its gona hurt me super deep.
i give up ald.
just so you
know;my love for you wil nvr change.
no matter what happens.
no matter
who i go with;no matter who you go with.
tabah je lyana okey.
(':

the picture below is coool (: its just light effects okee.

i dun wna come sch tmr, i have a baadd feeling for tmr ;
here i am again, pretending everything's gna be alright, &that im okay.
imy so much,

omg? red can make me go highhh (: aku nye suara serak .

cos both of u never knew the pain i go thru even when both of ur actions are small,
isnt it all about both of ur feelings ? never mine.

i'll just keep pretending . reaching for the love that seems so far .

YAHH. OKE. I THINK I SHD DELETE MY BLOGG. SOON. NYAHAHA.
pathetic loser.

can i kill all the guys in the world except for my daddy. aku geram giler.
&im starting to pick up bad habits. wtf is wrong with you lyana?

i just wna run away frm evth. AHH, fuck?

god damnit. bought 2 packs &left with 8sticks in just one day?

u guys owe me. lol. aniway, i musnt get addicted. k good.

k i just watched the show 'the notebook' on channel 5. rocks la sey.

its a love story, so yeah. very touching(:

its abt a girl being forced to leave her boyf cos her mum didnt rly give consent to their relationship.

then the guy wrote to her every day, for 365 days. but her mum kept all the letters w/o her knowing.

then she moved on &was engaged to a new guy. 6yrs later, she found out evth &reunited with her old lover.

sriously damn sad okee. but niiice(:

k whatever. tired. we wanted to go gym today and run like a mad pig but too lazy &panas.

duh. biase, &i didnt even bother to dress in a proper attire for exercising. lol.

wansuay sayo; tatas.

valentines day? im just planning to spend it with my dear dear friends like meryl &etc.

why? i have my reasons. so dont bother to ask(:

wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad.

Someday. I'll just keep pretending,dreaming of a diffrent ending.
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad.
I don’t care what they say,
I’m in love with you; they try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth.

Closed off from love. once or twice was enough, I didn’t need the pain.

&i thought i'd found something true.

For the very first time with you, my heart melts into the ground

My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
keep bleeding love.


i wana stop hoping some miracle could happen.
i wana stop chasing for what i really want.
i give up.
guess you're right. dont make a mistake?
ure the mistake i already made.
you know, i guess im gna close my heart to anyone who comes along.
good. i have my girlfriends, so why shd i care?
thanks girls, for making me feel better today<3

be back on friday. wansuay sayo. bye.

yo, thanks radin arif for lending me the shades(:


aku love meryl, nana, kyra, myra, syir, bedaahh<3>




-_-

happy cny to all my chinese friends. im gg off to msia tmr. be back like on friday? miss me oke?(:

k ciaos(:

FUCK U LYANA! ITS MILO HERE! I REMINDED YOU TO CENSOR THE NAME!

and u didnt , so i DID IT MYSELF (:

OK BYE ILY!

oh god.
i cant help but to blog bout this.
cos i just cleaned up my cupboard.
&i found this familiar notebook.
&found like lots of painful memories inside.

inside, thers like so called letters. to mostly my mum;
&i guess it was written when i was with him still.
cos on every page, i will write,
'syg, where are you?' ' i need you badly now &ure not here'.
&, ' i dont think i can count on you when i have problems. im suffering here,crying, &ure out ther enjoying urself. wth, help me please.'

shit. i remember clearly that day oke. i kept on writing on this stupid notebook while my mum's words fucking killed me. &i kept on calling for him, hoping he'd sms or smth.
fucking hell.

happy birthday myrah. HOHO. ure already 15. first to get pink card eh? (:
be a good girl. hope ur wishes come true alrites. oh!, i kno one of them came true ald. meeting with arshard on ur birthday(: k cool. dont let him take advantage of u again tho. oke, i love you girrl<3>


4months to pink card. k cool.