fuck shit, yea. u can go fucking die. u dont deserve th status, 'mom'.

what , first thing i got home,
she told me to ask bro to buy food cos she gg out ; when my bro was FUCKING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.
then she told me to lipatkan some stuff., i said later.,
then she asked abt madrasa ? what date close. i said this 2 weeks. she asked to check.
i did. while doing so, she told me to faster lipatkan th clothes.
so i was like , ' nana nana nana.' yea, she calls me that.
so she gt angry . &when i settled down to lipat th clothes, she snatched all of it away,
&shouted to go away. (WTFH ?)
then she started nagging. said my cca was th cause of evth.
she sacrificed many things fr our education etc.
yea, i appreciate it, but me being a tired after a busy day ,
DOES IT FUCKING BOTHER YOU? u dont care hw i feel .
ure so fucking unfair,
so u told me to do whatever i like. since u think that i think im SO independent.
knowing u, u dont fucking kno what ure saying when ure angry.
u can go &fucking cut my uniform into piesces. cos u kno what?
i dont give a damn. if thats what it takes to make u shut up &give me th basic rights of a normal teenager.
dont compare abang's cca with mine, &then blame me fr being so active in my cca.
wait no, abng DOESNT HAVE a cca. &hey, im achieving th most out of my secondary school life.
academic, thers of course ups &downs.&lyk abng tayeb said,
it doesnt matter if u lose the small wars, as long as th important ones u win.
i'll show u i can make it &also achieve th best fr studies &cca at th end of th year,
if i were to be lyk some wild girl, not coming home or whatsoever,
or gg out late, dont blame me .
blame urself . u told me u didnt care what .

yea . &maybe. i am gg to run away ? heh. i need a spare phone asap.
anth, find me at my home . cos i think she cut th line. plus i hav no laptop OR handphone .
pfft . ruined my mood &day . bitch

heehuu~
i just bought everlast pumps! or shd i say, slip-ons?
k wdv. its still th same. yaye. went to tamp aft cd meeting,
then to bugis cos me &syir cnt find any shoes with disocunts.
so off to bugis , last minute thing seyy. heh.
then went to everlast.she bought her school shoes aso.
total was 70+, but yea. i used my $50 voucher (:

pfft. tution later &tmr morning. then ndp rehearsel at nee soon camp?
SNCO COURSE IN 3 DAYS TIME. godamnit. s.o.s.

oh, & to H. i swear i'll give u hell. jus bcos maam said u got potential to be next head, its not confirmed that u are. so dont act lyk mane nye besar, to try to be one of us ncos. cos ure just a freaking sec2 with ONE FUCKING ARROW.&so, u better give me th respect im suppose to get. yea, lucky u it was only a meeting jus now. u wana see whos gna listen to who during th camp? alrighty then(: i'd rather have a disabled person to take over ncdcc next year rather than some fucked-up-egoistic-bitch. so stop acting lyk some spoilt brat, u cant always get what u want. ESP IF YOU'RE FREAKING UNDER ME . get ur facts right la. wrong move, bitch.

he talked to me ,
omg, finally!
imisshim. lol

bringing back these memories i wish i didn't have.

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know.

jus got back frm newnew tution :D yaye , i understand clearly!
snco course next week. omg, im gg alone . fuck th thailand trip mann .
dont leave me alonne ): kay., shudap lyly .
how to go HTA ? D: diedie. kay, think of th ssgt rank lyly ! :D

(-efortunc-) says:
think abt others.like when during break.u friend like fall out.then sit one corner.u take food and drink for them.
LYLY ; time to make one last appeal. says:
siala. later if th one fall out is guy how. they think i flirt.

see. im even asking fawwaz fr tips -.-
___________________________________

random shit (:

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
tell everyone what he did. then hopes he dies &go to hell. muahaha :D k no. i'd just let god punish him. hee .

#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
that boy to come back . th feeling to love, &be loved (:

#3. What will your dream wedding be like?
at a cold tundra desert where its cold. everything to be blue &white. hahaha. high chance it'd be at th void deck -.-

#4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
donate some. then spend on wtv i want or need. give to family &gfs. &save the remainder fr rainy days(:

#5. What's your ideal lover like?
that boy (:

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
looking at my current situation now, i think its loving someone -.-

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
as long as possible until th feeling fades off or u find someone better.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
its just liking him, so forget him, then crush on another person.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
my fucking mixed up feelings.

#10. If you had a choice to choose one person to keep forever, who would it be?
that boy (:

#11. What cheers you up the fastest?
girlfriends! & that boy (:

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
um. idk. some pathetic girl .

#13. Who is/are currently the most important people to you?
family. girlfriends.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
clever! haha. other than that, shes a sweetsweet person. who i think should not let th past haunt her, cos she deserver better.

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Single and rich. hee (:

#16. What's the first thing you do every morning when you're attached?
check phone ? pfft.

.#17. Would you give all in a relationship?
no (: not now aniway.

#18. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
th hotter looking one (:

#19. What type of friends do you like?
friendly friends. outgoing .

tagged by nadhirah to do th quiz(:

wokay. th rest is at sentosa. i have footdrill silver tmr . goodbyeee .

dear you .

maybe i dont know what im giving up on. maybe all i need is time. but all i know now is, i have to do this. i have to let you go. it takes 2 hands to clap. i dont feel th same fr u th way u do. i dont even fucking feel lyk im in a relationship when actually im in one. &please, get this right. i didn't make use of you to forget him. i didnt lie to you. the feelings were real before th relationship. but i wasnt sure of it. &i guess it was a mistake to have went in a relationship in a short period of time. i did like you. &maybe love. but all i want now is just being single. cos i need the freedom. i want to achieve more in life. i want to get good grades, be a good cd chairman. &i kno, at this period of time, there's no need to be in a relationship, cos its just too much fr me to handle. &no, i didnt get together with u just to forget him. there were real feelings. just that it faded away when we got together. i guess i wasnt ready to commit myself in a relationship. you can say whatever u want. im a liar. i made use of you. tell ur brothers and friends that if you want. i dont mind. i know i didnt, &i kno myself well. &im doing this fr th good of everyone. sorry fr th false hopes. it was great meeting you. feelings do change. even i dont understand myself. so please, dont get back to ur old ways. do ur parents proud. studies. prove them u've rly changed. u can do it without me. im sure. till then, we'll go our separate ways. we can still keep in touch. if we were destined to be, we'll meet again in th future. beleive in god okay ?

yours truly,
lyly .

!@#@$#% everythings f.ing falling apart .
just. talk lyly. go go. TALK &GET THINGS SETTLED. GO.
im so dead .

go away la. why cant i erase you.
tsktsk.

aniway, fought with mum again. had bloodshot eyes.
dah intrude into my privacy , abeh org ckp 'bastard sia' u say its bad language.
f. lahh . its not seh. its a slang . &i said bastard as in th good meaning, not th bad.
&sorry, but lucky. raised my hand, &i almost hit her back -.-

whateverr. im so sadsadasad. i dont know what i want.
someone, help . lyly, the past, is the past. gah .

even tho its diff now, you're still here somehow.
never wanted you to leave,wanted you to stay here ,
holding me. &i still shed a tear every once in a while.

dont wna talk abt it ,
dont wna think abt it ,
im jus so sick abt it .
jus so confused abt it.


just th matter of time,
i cant take this anymore. im so sorry.
i hav to do this, i kno i have to.
fr th good of everyone .

hello world.

went to sentosa fr dad's work event thing. it freaking rained. went off after rain stopped.
headed to nad's tution ther. th tutor very friendly (: so i guess i'll be starting tution next thurs with nad &also haikal . heh.

tmr's malay olvls. huhu. goodluck to sec 4s (:
esp to fawwaz, izzah, raden &clarence. all th best (:

-"hey you. if u dare go in between both of us, whether its jealousy or whatsoever, i swear, im gna do smth that'll u regret. u dare sentuh him, i swear i wont forgive you. u do want me to be happy right ? what's this stupid calls to make him look small to everyone ? nak maki2 pun pat msg. otp pun tak brani, ure not who u used to be . or maybe u are really like that. ure just putting up some act. tsk. im rly thankful fr what u've sacrificed &done fr me. rly appreciate it alot. but th way i look at it now, its like u did so that i'll feel that i owe u. so that i will have feelings fr u too in return fr what u did. it isnt th way okay, like that, not sincere oke. whatever it is, u've disappointed many, many's angry wif you. &im so lucky to not have fallen fr u &accept you. takecare uh. anth , just be a gentleman, &talk like one(:"

kayy. so resutls, fail 2. passed by 0.7% ; was okayy uh. can do better(:
syire, cheer up(: be strong.

so ndp just now, was hell. literally. so effing hot.
at bedok camp ther, combined rehearsal.
BOMBA HOT SEY. with th mistgun (: hee.
finished early. sorry syg. i had to meet family aft that. was smelly aniway.
i bet i smelled like th wet market uh . masam2 . z.

k im so tireded. syg tetido lagii . tsk. goodnighht peoplle :D

im bacck ! :D

oke . so sec 2 camp was, um. alirght uh. but th sec2s werent so semangat as our batch on th first day. everyone was so lowlowlow. so exco people got fed up. we dread th camp soso much then.

2nd day, activities were fun. kayaking &rafting included. marc alfred &insturctor hisham drenched me frm head to toe. &i had to partner with this small dude who i kept hitting wif th paddle cos i cant splash water properly-.- &th small dude couldnt paddle poperly. he wasn't even paddling fr goodness sake. he was jus dipping the paddle in th water la! -.-
towards th end, my group, HOTCHICKS ! , rushed to think of th campfire item. so they sort of got together &finally bonded. BUT, unfortunately, it rained when we were jus abt to lit th campfire. but we continued under th canteen ther. kecoh siaa ! hahaha.
then groups did their cheers &items. exco, was super duper highhighhigh! got song only, we stood up to dance &shout like gila babi. hee(: we had our own cheer &item also ! :D
so yea, exco slept at 1. &i tertido on th canteen bench cos someone tetido &i waited fr his call. ish-.-

3rd day, cleaning etc. then my group nye girls was like singing your guardian angel. omg laa. bring my mood dowwn je :((

i lovelove th exco people. we srsly get along rly well. kay we rock (:
after camp, went to kfc siglap. thanks nadhirah (: then naqib fetched me. the excos damn kepo-.- kecohhh. heh. went to pasir ris park. i swear my haversack was killing my shoulders. hahaha. &i didnt let him carry it, cos he'll look stuupid. thennn, he sent me homme. goodbye, sleepyy .

memories of what we used to be ;

hello. yg sebelah ni mangkuk kesayangan kuu. HAHA.
&my hair was clipped everywher . that explains why its messy (:
went to meet him fr a while . can also uhh . hee. green eyes babyy . heh
ily! (:

hello. i miss girlfriends. so long since we went out together.
everyone's busy with boyfies. shit la.
&i have camp tmr. poeplee , dont go hav fun without me okayy.
wait fr mee :D
i miss naqib. mum being a bitch &spoiled my mood. so cnt go out today.
or maybe its just, i dont feel like it. z, sorry syg .

actually , i practically miss ALL MY FRIENDS.
ish. i feel so rimas in this hse.
will be back frm camp on thursday.
GROUP H! (: &im working with alfred and mark. sayos. tsktsk.
eh, i rmbr last year. the leader of group G. HAH.
wonder why we didn't even tegur each other then. or meet each other before/after th camp.
padahal same camp. ahaha. oh well, its th past. learn from my mistakes (:

whoo. fringeless, &shaggedd:D

wokaaaaay. today. had ndp rehearsel.went to meet danial in th morn to take rank &badges.
wore my new uniform. like so damn keras la .
trained under the hothot sun . veryvery tiring. can pengsan seyy.
sweat like a pig. wait, worser. evth was lyk soaked with sweat. disgusting.
went back to school at 1.

went to bathe. cos so melekit. cant tahan mann .
played games with exco peeps. planned fr sec2 camp .
then naqib sent me homme , &also haikal -.- menyebok .
i lost my fire safety badge. shit.

i wont let go of you, even if saving u sends me to heaven . right . heh(:

nie baru bngn tido ! huahuahua (: see the necklaacce ! :D

stupid sayos &poliice.
my ncdcc unit not complete ? too little ? rendah2kan cd lagi .
hey look, whos asking who fr first aid lessons .
sayos , learning first aid frm bomba people .
oh goodie . we'll show u who really got standard (:
esp with cd in my hands :DD diediedie .


life has been great. hehh (:

k firstly, happy birthday to me ! (;

okay, im jus gna do a summary of today.
cos im tired. was awaken by msgs at th stroke of midnight.
&sis was sleeping like a pig beside me . &so, i had little sleep -.-

today, got drenched 2times.
with school uni and cd uni. cd uni got totally drenched.
th whole sec2 squad sprayed me with hosereels. the water was omfg-ly dirty+smelly.
but it was fun . i lovelove my jnrs. thanks u guys.
&yea, thanks to everyone who wished me :D &also isa. surprise surprise ? lol.

but most of all thanks gfs fr today (:
nana, syir, myra, bedah, meryl, kyra , nad, shah .
and also, NAQIB (: i lovelove th necklace. ilyy (:

wtf uh. seriously , whatthefuck .
dah bagos2, i make time utk besok ;
cos u said everyone after ur paper last time .
now ? im gna die of boredom tmr .

k shudap lyly .
dont worry, this isnt referring to anyone .
z.

bitch, yeah you mum.
happy mother's day.
thanks fr the stupid accusations.
thanks fr confiscating my phone .
thanks fr being th most unreasonable mum in th world.
THANKS AH .
u think idk that ure obviously jealous of th attention nenek is getting ?
then showing ur tantrums fr no fucking good reason when u get home .
wow , cant imagine i actually wanted to walk out of th house.
maybe i should, bitch .

hello people .

life's been hectic ?

friday; ndp rehearsel. we carried imaginary payung . damn cool actually. had to be school ic. seriously suck i tell you . &my position in the real parade, last row from the right marker. so when marching in , id be th first row, on the left, leading th squad . geddit ? oke, nvm.

sat; met this mat rep in th morningg. haha! :D parents came home, and went to grandma's. so long since i saw her. sorry uh nenek. busy schedule uh. heh . met cousins frm mum's side at night. ate with them till like 11 gg to 12. then home .

today; madrasa in th morn . that mat rep, skip his madrasa -.- later gg J8 i think, with ilyas &bro to find presents. then to grandma's cos they're having some kind of fiest &gathering ther.
&i still have to finish th punsihment fr Mr.W. gah. i think i'll stay up late today. goodbye .

oh. my birthday is this wednesday :D YAAAAYYY :D


cos im hanging on every word u say.
but then i start to wonder; why am i here, not there?

si slenge bacen tu panggil aku babi .
jage, i rembat u aft skul tmr (: hahaha .

and he replied.
"hahahaha i tk takot nan anytink except losing u=)"
aww (:

i think i have a thing for ncc guys. HAHA. k wdv lyana . emaths paper was, okay. lotsa graphs questions that i dont understand. just hope i can get an A (: tmr is science. &i just hope i can pass(: hah. went to slack with gfs after their poa paper. sorry wenjia. guess we were tied up with situations jus nw.
&idk is it coincidence or what, he slacked somewher near us . &meryl had to be a bitch, &she call ed him-.- oke so . talked fr a while . he sent me to bus stop. &i went hooommee :D


aniway, my birthday is comingggg peooopleeee :D

oh goodd . help. idk what to do . im messed up . what do i want ? they have been telling me to listen to my heart. but my heart still wants to wait & continue loving him. bt i kno i cant, cos i i have to move on & i do have feelings fr him . kay, now what ?

and to him , im sorry.
but i cant keep lying bout my feelings to you . cos its just as a close friend .

oke, this made me brokedown for idk what reason . im just, lost . &idk where to go .

HOT HOT HEAT! :DD heeahhh~

he is so fun to talk to . seriously. he puts all my troubles away fr a moment or so (:
&he said i kecoh when we were testing each other geog. HAH.

heh. mixed feelings ? rawr. i cant make up my mind.

shd i stay, or shd i go?

hey you ,

i miss you so much. &idk why, but ive been thinking alot bout you lately. &it made me stop to think, bout hw u treated me ever since we broke up. lies, &u playing with me again &again. yet , i still love you &miss you terribly at times. &u nvr fail to go back to me to give me false hopes. &i wonder, why? maybe, u just love the attention &th feeling of being loved eh ?heh.

dude, i love you.

the clock is stuck on thoughts of you &me .
_____________________

BRENDON URIE IS SO FUGGING cute + HOT.
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