yeah. pole -.- this was longlonglong agoo :)

idk why it hurts to see or even hear your name these days. we look at each other like both of us are invisible. &i hate this , its getting really irritating;
p.s. listen to the song playing. heh. you're like one now you know .

I can't speak, i can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention.
I'm staring at perfection, take a look at me so you can see, how beautiful you are.
call me a stranger ;

yippee ya-ya yippe yippe yaaa :D

hahaha. im so high :D okay, get ready fr a long post. cos i feel like ranting . before my mood goes down &i start some emo shit. kay, so! ;

TODAY, was great. hehe. my sec1 cadets owns yours ! :D hehe. they're so fun and very enthu to be taught . fushun students joined our training. taught first aid. sec 2s were taught by myra on rescue. okay, so games was first aid+ rescue. i swear th sec 2s were being a pain in th ass. shouted at them , but still. no sense of emergency at all.

so yea .games finished at 5 . footdrill . so here comes th fun part. me and myra tortured th sec 2s infront of th fushun people. huahuahua ! :D kay, mean. but seriously, they deserved it . so their footdrill was hell fr them . sudden changes. hey ho, get used to it . doesnt mean ur seargents are girls we kental okay . then many showed attitude. serious case . so fawwaz talked to one of them. blabla . dismissed at 6+ ? went bedok with the usuals (: &i was being retarded.
k i wont elaborate.

ANIWAY. I THINK AH . MS A IS SO BIAS.
DO YOU THINK HOCK MENG DESERVES TO REPRESENT NCDCC AT TH YEARBOOK COVERPAGE ?
STRAIGHT NO. WANA KNO WHY ? COS HE CANT EVEN STAND TH SUN.
HOW TO FIGHT FIRE. HOW TO REPRESENT NCDCC. GAR.
just because me, myra and dani has smoking cases, so what. lermaaak. follow yellow ribbon la ! (someone said this . k ssh)
its not th piece of rank on ur shoulder that matters. its th rank in ur heart (:
awww :D

i dont know where im heading. i dont know how im suppose to feel when you're not here . im about to , but somethings' pulling me back . like what joel said, no matter whoever i like, it will always come back to him . &i wish i could just shoot my head and forget all those memories that i ever had with him so i dont even know he ever existed in my life . urgh. i dont even feel right crushing on someone else-
it just isn't th same like last time ;

It's been a long, long time since everything was cool
I shoulda seen it coming but I guess I'm not the only fool
There's something growin' on the outside
Too much missin' on the inside
Should I waste my time and let you lead me on and on and on and on

Waiting on the day when I'm complete
Without you I'm doing what I can to let you be
Making sure there's nothing showing on the outside
Somethin's dying on the inside
I'm still broken but I'm free
I'll see you on the flipside

I've got a bruised up heart
But I'm still hangin' out
I should take it easy but I'm still gonna get around
There's something growing on the outside
Too much missing on the inside
Should I waste more time when everything is done and done and overdone

Waiting for the day when I'm complete
Without you I'm doing what I can to let you be
Making sure there's

Nothing showing on the outside
Something's dying on the inside
I'm still broken but I'm free
I'll see you on the flipside

I'll see you on the flipside
Nothin' showing on the outside
Something's dying on the inside

Waiting for the day when I'm complete
Doing what I can to let you be

Nothing showing on the outside
Something's dying on the inside
I'm still broken but I'm free
I'll see you on the flipside


idk why, thers anger &im afraid it'll turn to hate. i dont wana be hating you. i dont intend to cos i just want to forget you w/o any harsh feelings. &yea, i know this is what you've been trying to achieve, hurting me just so that i'd move on. at th same time, making me hang on to these silly things. heh.
well, i hope u're happy now. well done to you :D &i hope i'd move on soon. till then, ima take it easy. it'll get better in time (:

ahaahaha. im so busy right now, but i hav to blog bout this .
im feeling soo, idk. happy. cos smth rly chereed me up.
finally , im like crushing on someone all over again . &it feels great. really. liking someone siliently is BETTER than being in love.
at least looking at him frm afar can take my mind off that peice of shit . haha. k sorry. ure not a piece of shit. whatever la you, sombong. pfft.
ahh! he's so cute (: &i just found out his name in th yearbook . HEHE. HHHH !
HHHHHHHHHHHHHH (:

YAAAY. THERS NO NDP TRAINING THIS WEEK ! :D
but still, i need to go ubin. stupid eh ? &i still hav to rush to footdrill gold P.O.P aft that. &maybe airshow in th evening. i got 3 free ticks. who wna go, jus tell me (:
&fawwaz, you better be there to see us pass out as gold footdrill ncos!
i dont want to hear HIS name or i swear i'll chop off ur head. go enjoy with him aft that as much as u want, as long as you come to our p.o.p (:
today's a , sadsad day. myra, cheer up . dont cry, cos i will too if you do :( we samesame okay . anth i'd be here to lend a shoulder to cry on (: ily (:

ah, fuck it . fuck love . gar .

boy, i miss you so much . i cant help but to breakdown . god, help. why cant i be like other girls who forgets their ex's &moves on easily. why? im confused. what do i want in life ? just to freaking please others right. yea, i have my gfs, but, my life still isnt complete. i feel smth missing, &it hurts each day. pretending we dont see each other, heh. &i cant even pass a simple maths &science test. i have to stop taking my tests fr granted. i need motivation; :'(



















im wishing you nvr existed in my life. but you're th only thing that nvr fails to make me smile.
&at th same time, you nvr fail to make me cry.

ohmygod. im really lyly.

i realized that YOU/HE really suck.
YOU/HE know who you are.
YOU/HE dont try to act macho ok.
cuz YOU/HE are just a pekebun.
haiz.. kesian.

k better ?
u can try to kill me tmr,
but sadly you're in a cheongsam, you cant karate!
muahahaha!

wooooooohooooo ;DDD

HAPPY 15TH birthday SYIRENE;semut!those good old days eh(:

i want to whack you upside down till you realise to be a real man. 'can i be ur friend ?' jantan mane tanye soalan gitu uh ? &he straightaway asked, 'whos ur bf' do i look like i have one ? you know, i almost lied. haha! like fun to bodoh2kan these people . ckp je hot, otak maseh mentah . sumpah i wasnt one of them who complimented you. not my taste eh you. WALAU .

okay, i got things settled. wenjia, u gota control ur temper mann -.-

if you ever find yourself lost &all alone, get back on ur feet &think of me ,
my love will get you home, boy. heh, imissyou .

boy, you made my day(: heh, im actually glad u rmbred bout chipmunk(:

day went well. really. leader fr th national camp dikir barat didnt come,
&me haikal and fatin took turns to lead th whole group. yea, wow . lyly singing.
haha! &it rained! yay . oke-.- thn at ndp, found out one of th sirs actually favoured me :D
haha, okay, heard, but didnt know if its true. so yea. otw home, at th sch slope ,
bds ncdcc were shouting their troubles out. or shall i say... hah, k nvm. nights(:


i want you &your beautiful soul . oh so love-er-ly(:

walau ehh . stare what stare. c'mon, be a lady &do it th right way,
i wana talk to youu, SHASHA .
its obvious you're jealous. a girl can do anth when thers jealousy (:
lets have a peaceful talkk (: i wont bite (: hehe. maybe i will. rawr.

home team tmr morning! :( &3rd last training to national day(:
hehe. nvm, can meet someone (:
walau. i need a cheongsam; i want to wear. BYE.

smth special about you i cant let go ;

BLA BLA BLA. again&again,
why do i breakdown over th same old thing; wtfuck is wrong with you lyly .
go sleep, u need th rest! ahhh, god damniiitt . brain, stop working,
heart stop working. cos i dont want to be feeling this way

i fucking hate this feeling of wanting loving missing and needing you , I HATE THIS :'(

om-FISH . k stop using that foul word.
oke, why are guys so desperate these days.
uu uuu uuu . omg, shut th fish up. argh .
i dont reply in msn or msg, means i dont like la!
walaauuuu, dont understand is itt. if ure in front of me right now,
i think i whack u upside down ready. rawr.
mak saya ckp, jgn berangan nak ade matair, blaja dulu.
diri sendiri tak tau jage, jgn nak step bole jage perempuan. paham ? hehehehe .
tsk. people, dont terasa. im jus irritated by these people who adds anyhow in msn .
okay, im overworking my body. soso tired &ngantok.
my saturdays are gonnneee :( bloody suckeerrrs . hta&ndp on sat.
madrasa &tution on sunday. walaaaau , can diee .

ehh, i miss sayo lehhh. WALAAUUU . HEHEHE.
k stop it lyly, irritating.

So close, but so far away. everything that you've always dreamed of;
close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch.
You believe and you doubt. You're confused.
Everything that you always wished for. Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours.
If they only knew.

today was great. went hta in th morn. met peeps frm national camp &practice fr dikir barat thing. they're cool people (: went suntec convention hall with sirs by taxi. hehe. sir clement was there! thn sir howard bought us drinks. oke, then th national camp people who were in ndp were as reserves as we came late. but we didnt mind. give chance fr th original reserves. haha. so national camp people had fun with th sirs while th others went to marina bay. we didnt rly know what to do fr freaking 2 hrs, so we polished boots. haikal polished fr me my left boot:D of course, its shiny-er than th right one . heh. thanks haikal (: went back to school, walked to tanamera by th hill, with myra &others, plus sir hadi &sir fadio ! heh, okay. many events are on saturdays, &idk how to prioritize:/ i even have to go to hta every sat frm these day onwards. pfft. shagggg. ca1 coming!

YA ALAAAHHH .
HEEEE. IM THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVEE .
I HAVE TH BEST PEOPLE ARND ME .
I HAVE THE BEST CCA .
WEEHUU . IM SO LUCCKYY.
firstly , me and wj get to stare at someone who doesnt know how to handle her own probs,
instead, TAU COMPLAIN JE . AHAHA.
wdv la seh . not worth fighting with you. buang mase je la ey! :D
then exco+abraham meeting. yadidadada.
THEN. I FORGOT TO BRING BACK MY UNIFORM,
BUT FAWWAZ WALKED ALL TH WAY TO MY TUTION PLACE TO GIV ME TH RANKS.
&I JUST GOT AN EMAIL FRM ONE OF TH SIR;
SAYING ATTIRE FR TMR'S TRAINING AT HTA IS PT KIT .
so, im able to get some time to get my uniform pieces!
OMFG ; IM SO. LUCKY. HEHEHEHEH.
if u dont understand, forget it. heheheh .
&&finally, after a longlong while, i get to talk :D

msg with fawwaz;
ME: EH, I THINK I JUST SAW ***** AT LOYANG POINT!
F: haha ure tired and paranoid go home and sleep.
ME: AT LOYANG POINT. OMG I THINK SO TOO. WTH. IM GG CRAZY.
F: now why would ***** be at loyang point?

haha. serious. i thought i saw him at macs -.-

&whenever i thought im done &over it , you come &pull me in fr another run .
boy, i want you &your beautiful soul .

&i wonder, what th fuck is life about. cos im getting sick of it .

"ur great enough already.. " whenever i read this, it gives me motivation okaay(:

raising a pioneer batch of cadets is so stressful. trainings tend to be diff. th way evth is, is different. short of manpower. double up evth, responsibilities, work. gah, sometimes i just wish i wasnt the one leading. sometimes i just wish im labelled as 'one of them'. i just wished im in some normal cca lyk guides or npcc who has a thousand years experience. where they have a solid training plan. with many seniors to help out th chairman cos deligating is important. i wish i had more seniors to provide motivation. not tht fawwaz &clarence isnt enough or he didnt give me any support. oke, it isnt enough. seeing other ccas lyk ncc and npcc, wow .

you know what, im gna make ncdcc th guard of honour one day. after we get th silver or gold award thing after 3 years, cos we're a pioneer batch. just wait and see. finish 3 yrs dah, &i'll make them th GOH. hehe . even if it means coming back as a clt. if i cant achieve my dreams to be in a GOH, then i'll train my cadets to make them th best. eh no, to make them better than me (:

ms foong, enough with your emotional breakdowns. if youre gona leave, do so. &when you come back, you'll see a solid and powerful ncdcc. &im gona hold on to this words. im gona make myself a better person. yay. no more playing arnd. im gona achieve th best fr me. im gna be happy. im not gona let people affect my daily life. im gona smile , cos i know i deserve it :)

with great power, comes great responsibility (:

such a long post eh . hehe . but still, i'll belief in &i still have hope in tht . cos hey, im th person i am today bcos of you. standing tall &Strong ! (:

heh , u know what. i feel much better. i dont think anyone's reading this long post aniway.
see, i told you i need to rant . im not even finished. heeeeh

you used to spend time with us. &all of a sudden , it just got so distant. mcm kacang lupakan kulit:] i can balance both groups, why cant you? heh, they must be really fun to hang out with eh? its not us, its you. to avoid any misunderstandings, im just gona say; that explains my behaviour during exco meetings. somethings are better left unsaid here(:

7th july :(

&it marks some fucking bad day for me. &i remember vividly this day.
sadness, tears, stunned. 2008 ? anger, disappointment.
i seriously want to rant here, but i dont think anyone will actually care to do anth bout it.
geddit? heeeeh. so yea , i'll keep it inside, lyk i always do. happy youth day people.

seriously nothing makes sense anymore. another sacrifice made jus for cca and exco. sorry gfs, i think i'll be missing out on another outing. urgh. oke, i wont elaborate any further. fuck th world upside dowwwn.
kay im gna beg my gay bro for it. takle tahan. im breaking down fr no reason again.

when we put our troubles away & have no worries (:
dont cry, cause we are in th same boat dear;

ndp preview was awesommee! got menses early in th morning,
but still, went soo high at times.
then sir clement(not th teacher one laa) talk to me on th phone! yippe ya ya yippe yippe yaa! hahahehehuhu. omg la!
he asked me how was th food, whether i fainted etc. random stuffs. aww. sir clement is mine wenjia(: hehe.
had some evil connection thing with th ncc girls. cos we were laughing our asses of whenever we went to th toilet. how often did we go? dont ask. heeeeeeh.
sir fairuz knows tht me &myra are smokers. he was lyk 'cukup umur tak?! ni cmf isap rokok nye. ni pun! tengok muker da tau. ' hahah. ncdcc have cool sirs okaay(:
took alot of pics with th payungs and retarded faces. aku malas nak upload.
huahuahua. aku nak jadi minah bomba! :D
yay. kay i miss you sayo(: hehehe. bye! (:

enjoy this stupid post(: hah.

i feel empty. i feel unloved. i feel uncared. i feel stupid. i feel weak &god damn tired. i feel sleepy. i feel useless. i feel that im tiring too hard to please others . i feel really unhappy. i feel angry. i feel i have lost pieces of puzzles in my life. i feel lost and confused. i feel lyk smoking th troubles away. nth makes sense to me. i feel that i have no one to turn to; not that i have no one, just that, i dont want to disturb my gfs. i cant stop th tears from running down. havent been myself lately. my thoughts tend to go farfar away these days.
i need your loving &caring arms to come and pick me up. i feel lyk im falling deep down.

oh &isa, im sorry if i hurt you. this is, how i treat a friend. blah .
NDP preview tmr ? god, give me strength to march under th scorching sun.
pfft, i sound so pathetic here. goodnight people.

cry all you want;
go marry far far away la!
sial . do you even know how to giv responsibilities to th right person ?
like hello ? i hold th ncdcc keys.
&fyi , IVE GIVEN OUT TH NEW UNIFORMS WITH MY OWN INITIATIVE.
WITHOUT HAVING YOU, TO TELL ME.
YET, U CAN ASK EVERYONE TO GO TO HUDA,
TO COLLECT TH UNIFORMS.

CRY CRY CRY. LOOK DOWN ON US.
NO WONDER MANY PPL LOOK DOWN ON NCDCC.
FYI AH, SIR CLEMENT TOLD ME, THAT IM DOING A GOOD JOB.
&HE SEES POTENTIAL IN THE CADETS.
BUT NOOO, U DIDNT ASK ME ANTH DURING TH INSPECTION.
ONLY FAWWAZ, WHO PASSED OUT.
SIAL LAA . PEGI KAHWIN SUDAA .
HUDA HUDA HUDA. URGH.

the seven things I like about you, ur hair, ur eyes. when we kiss I'm hypnotised. You make me laugh, you make me cry. but I guess that's both I'll have to buy. ur hand in mine, when we're intertwined, evth's alright. I wanna be with the one I know. &th thing I like the most that you do;
You make me love you .