yes, i do know how to play,

oh-kayy , im back. i had fun during my trip (pictures @ multiply ) &th NCO camp . NCO camp; i was just looking froward to footdrill. footrill is like my playground man. haha, but most of th parade square is taken up by either netball or npcc. god, its a PARADE SQUARE. not a sports place. why do you think they're making a sports hall-.- &wait, ncdcc was th first to be at th parade square. ever heard of 1st come 1st serve? you shd stop thinking YOU, own th parade square. cause you dont. lets just see who's gna win when th ugs will be using th parade square almost everyday before cca fair yeah? so fawwaz was like dedicating a song to th botak guy. hahaha. damn funny. &we had to give way, &share th carpark with other ugs most of th times. do you know its dangerous, esp when u have to use th part where thers a hill?-.- i hope th sports hall opens soon !

kay i have to rant. up to you to read. i wont care who will read; which friend, which guy, whoever. i've thought bout all these duirn my trip &i've realised some things.

i realised i havent been spending time with gfs that much that theyre not th ones who i share my problems with .
i realised those who rly cared fr me, are th ones who has always been advicing me &stuff. th ones who is always willing to wait &give me second chances. th one who accepts me for who i am. th one who fucking knows me well .
i realise what my bestfriend said was true on th night i went to wenjia's chalet.
i realised i've been a fucking bitch to alot of guys, &i owe thema fucking apology .
i realised i have been putting my cca as my priority rather than family that i'd rather go cca than follow them fr a holiday fr the past school holidays.
i realised halals isnt as close as before due to some stuff . why cant we be like when we're in japan ?
gosh, i dont know what to do now .
new year's resolution ? won't put it here, but i guess i know wht i wana change/achieve .

sometimes perfection can just be perfect hell when you dont realise it .

okay, i've got most of it off my chest. now, there will surely be people questioning me, this &that. ugh. okay, i'll just concentrate on th cca fair. well, my cca is like th only thing tht makes me satisfied always. heh . bye .

haha! shit face .
kay fast one , cos i need to set off to KL soon. wanted to go school today but think think , like dont need. so met him . slacked around school area. then tution cancelled. blaaaah. &mum told me to buy maggi fr my own dinner. z. so he accompanied me and stuff, &sent me to 12bus stop.
thanks fr today (:

haiiis . i dont feel like going ahh . shah &khairah are alr at KL. syir's coming tmr i guess. we're gona have a gathering &party there. woo~ hahah k stop it.
OH YA ! loookkk! :DDDD so much fr giving total crap during th interview. lucky i guess(:
there will be a promotion ceremony. k best. lesta got it too, so congrats to him!

OY TO TH WORLDD ~ HEHE. I LOVE EVERYONE AHH . K BYE :D
oh ya ,

MERRY CHRISTMAS (:
-
-

hello wenjia's totis(:

okay great day. went out with gfs (: wanted to study, but ended up, playing cards. haha! so i was taught taiti(?) & we also played cheat. haha mann, i suck at that game. i cant lie fr shit. everytime i lie, i'll be like looking at either khairah or wj. &i'll laugh. hahah. so i played a clean game &i lost-.- duh,

then met S(: , went to ecp. then i felt damn hungry. so went to parkway there &ate at a nearby foodcourt. then he sent me home. god , my menses came &no wonder i felt so tired tht i fell asleep in th bus. heh . okaay, he's gna have to report to camp or wdv shit again tmr. wahh D:

isa, please ehh. you dont have to tell me what to do , takecare of my life and shit. yes, were best buddies, you can encourage me , advice me and all those shith. i know who i mix with, you dont have to tell me who is bad company and whos not. cos i can day that ure bad company too. you're so egoistic y'know. wtfuck ah, its better if you're th person you are when you talk to me 24/7. get wht i mean ? cos or not, you'll be like so yaya. &you're telling others they're th ones acting big. i dont get this gangster shit. why th hell are u doing all these. its like stupid lahh, &youre wasting your time. as a good friend, im advising. if you continue this behaviour of yours, how are u gna concentrate next year ? last thing, yes, he's not my boyf, but he still deserves to be treated right. i dont want to be known as using guys or as a player, like him. so ya. talk to me when you think throughly what you've done.

wahhh, thanks eh isa. for everything . uggh.

moving on. went shopping with mum yesterday. bought maaaaany stuffs i needed. hehe. plus, im gg KL with family next weds. more shopping babeeehh ! hahaha.
&im going out with gfs tmr(: hopefully it will turn out ehh. &he's going off again tmr. damnn. i doubt i'll get to see him anytime soon due to my hols &his schedule too. &school's starting in 2 weeks time. hols then camp then new year, then poof! school start. &then Os. haiyooo.

oooh~ sad parents didnt allow me to follow halals go th soccer match today. wtfuck uh. shah didnt go too aniway. heard from hamdan th mats there are so kecoh giler babs. haha. guess my mum's right. oh well. soccer's not th thing fr me (:

must start studying! k bye.
p.s. outing soon please halals! miss you guys :D

cos im'a good girl :D

guess everything will be alright. just tht i had cramps/gastric (?) since morning. wth lahh, its like on-off thing &it was killing me at times. k wdv. sec1 registration was a total mess; th new kids are th ones who are so pampered lahh , &i see possible minahrep wannabes, &i shd have stationed at foyer or smth. i can have fun saying "have a nice day maam(:"
whoo~ he is back(: kay stop. dah go sleep. ehh, money drop from sky ahhh! HEHE:D

i think this should stop. its starting to be very irritating &troublesome y'know.

kay so ecp was cancelled. ended up accompanying wj to make her ic photo at pasir ris inter. went downtown. she got tazmanian devil soft toy through th machine thingy-.- then kfc. &home. whoa, she's like some laughing gas lahh , hahah. crazy girl.

ps. wj, i'll send u th pics thru msn yeah(:

aniway , i just got more pics of japan from shah. omggg,

I FUCKING MISS HALALS IN JAPAN !

some pics fr you to look at (:
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first night, only 4 malays &we had th same phones! look !~
(hamdan's, shah's, aaron's &lyly's )
look fat here-.-
spot th headless syirene (:
round round oranges,

coach with "batu" :D
muker smue merepek,

dinner (diff posings , haha! )
STARBUCKS ! (:
ohoh! this picture up here reminded me of th video we took. damn funny! hahahah. we were like acting out a hari raya scene. miss them !

im gona sleep back. so much fr looking forward to meeting gfs.
yah, they're more important altho we planned this like, idk when.

well, at least i still have halals. great, i'll be meeting them tmr(:
bye!

its time you face th fact that everything has changed now.
well, i did. now its your turn cos i cant keep holding on to th past forever right .

okay, ecp later. hope a day with gfs will make me feel better.

now what do i do ? can i rly trust guys ? cos seriously, wht they say always turns out th opposite. im fucking sick of crying. i dont feel like gg fr training tmr but i cant. im fucking lost bout evth in this whole wide world.

&S. idk why, but im reaaaaly sorry. i really felt like fck &i didnt mean to talk bout my past &all those shit. yeah you wont be reading this cos ure at some pulau now, but wdv. ahh ,

just when it seems evth would be alright ,
just when it seems i knew what i was doing,
then this stupid feeling come back. miss independent ah ? wtfuck,

shitshit. exco review of th whole year is like due tonight , &im not even halfway through. plus! i still have some cca admin to do. omggod. diedie . see la, procastinate some more -.-

hehehe, he just called(: okay dah, wdv lyly. bye .
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seriously, wtfuck is your problem. always say 'dont playplay with me'. what are you trying to do ? threaten us ? fuck lah . i cant even stand looking at you shout all those stupid stuff at us. part of it untrue. i did my job as a sister. i brought nurul out, bought her food. then what, bathe also must tell her. no right ? during training i had to entertain your fucking stupid attitude. before you come home evtm , i will try &make sure evth's clean. what else do you fucking want. we have feelings to y'know. we're not ur children? well, i can say that i cant belief you're my mum. why cant i have a normal mum like others, who's kind and soft. youre like so fucking violent tht im scared of you. no wonder i've nvr shared my problems with you. cos i cant. yes you didnt do anything to me, you didnt beat me up or wdv shit since idk when. but still. sometimes words can hurt more. all the false accuses. i dont fucking understand. im fucking stressed with some admin work and stuff &all you can do is make it hard for me. you can take my money. but not my phone. cos seriously , im holding on to so many responsibilties now,

LYLY; reality check says:
yes, it is fr everyone .
but sometimes you have to leave th past fo a better future right ..
think at it tht way,
th past may be great,
but who knows, th future is much better ,
who knows, you'll find someone waaay better .

Hi, my name is isa iskandar and i'm an addict. says:
i wna kick you.
_____________________________

haha, look who's talking mann . im so bored. maybe gg out later ? idk why, but i just want to get to know you y'know. but too bad you're gg away. hah -.- wdv lyly .

&its taking me this long but baby i figured you out. this is th last straw,

@ wj's chalet :D

GIRLFRIENDSS! lazy msg, so i'll write it here . me nana khairah and wenjia thought of having a picnic at east coast. strictly girls okay (: no boyfriend boyfriend for one day (: it will be on next wednesday, most prob arnd 10. bring along food to share with everyonnee kay. kay dah .

wtf wtf, talk to girls wtf eh . issh-.- i smack your face then y'know.
damnit , i have fluu .

ignore my previous post, wait no. just dont take it too seriously.
i saw a document &woo ~ got angry. so yeah. but wait, i wna rant about my cca. i've been keeping it inside fr long, so up to you to read yeah ? (:

firstly, im sorry if people think i like to over react bout my cca.
people might say , its just a god damn cca which u have to take during secondary school. ya ya , but its like smth i have passion in y'know. its like better than having nth good to do , &then resort to smth you're not supposed to do . you get wht i mean-.- heh .
so of coursee, when people somehow make my cca look bad, or even make it look like its some international UG (like GG or BB), of course i will get pissed.
like hellllooo ? its also a NATIONAL UG. &ncdcc deserves to be treated equally like ncc and npcc.
then we go ndp fr what? we help in th firedrill fr what ? WE PROVIDE FIRST AID FR WHAT. WITHOUT US YOU GUYS WOULD BE DEAD. k no, exaggerating . you get wht i mean.
so after all that my unit has done fr 2 years, we achieved quite alot you know. think . how would you feel if you're in some community, &you put in lots of effort in it, but th community doesnt help to bring your name up, or ask u to take part in an event which gives u an oppurtunity to let people know that you even exist. gah ,

secondly, we do not, get our ranks that easily. well for me, i didnt. i was thrown far far away from my comfort zone. no myra danial fawwaz or even hockmeng. i was in that stupid course alone where i didnt even know anyone from those schools. had to go back and forth hta like myself fr 5 days. &th course may last until 8 night .
&take a look at our uniform, badges &we also need to polish boots &starch our uniform, leceh kann. &yes, our sirs were fucking strict and NOT those typical mat bomba-.-
our cca is new, &it does have a new &different system which wants us to get our ranks faster so we will be able to cncentrate on our Os. dont you realise, how busy i am with my cca this year ? -.-
oh &i guess many people forgot, during th time we just converted frm sjab to ncdcc, we had to wait for our ranks for fucking long, &we stayed private. guess many ppl forget tht ? &they can say we change our ranks like fucking fast. THINKK !

so yaah, sorry if you think im over reacting-.- whatever. esp to UG people out there. put urself in my shoes. manpower sikit, skola dah bedok south. cca dah ncdcc. confirm many mat wannabes. i think it takes a much powerful person to run th unit, not me. but wht to do, dah jadi-.- but hey, what do you expect from th chairman of ncdcc-.- imagine lah , after all that you've put in a pioneer cca, sweat &tears (ey maybe even blood) , how can i not over react when my cca is like, looked down upon-.-

lastly, i really really want to go to Fawwaz's clt passing out parade. its at 6pm tmr, anyoneeeee free to go all th way to boon lay? -.-

wokay , im done((:

yes everyone, read this. cause i cant stand it anymore. why must my cca always be th tak perlu one in th fucking school. dulu cakap we'll be part of it , now, not even one, ncdcc is inside th god damn sec1 registration plan. idk why but it sort of hurts. and all i see is red. &i feel like nak sembelih kow. ugh. k stop lyly , sabar.

ouch , shd have known from th start. what makes me think it was worth th wait when theres many other better girls waiting for him ? what makes me think i'll ever have him back.
what makes me think i'll ever get a chance to spend time with him. what makes me think he really meant it when he said i was unique.. fck, just fucking miss him.

straight forward post, sorry. just have to let this out. disappointed many, guess you guys thought i've put my past behind.
well, homealone again. &this is th first time i cant even be bothered to go out or sleepover.
i really feel like squueshing and splatting this ice cream im eating.

reality check ,

i wana make love right now nanana

wish we nvr broke up right now nanana ~
I can't lie I miss you much
Watching everyday that goes by
I miss you much Till i get you back Im gonna cry
I miss you much You are the apple in my eye ((:

hahahaha. awww . wdv lyly . k off to nenek hse. bye .

omgomg ,WENJIAAA ,
DONT SAD SAD KAY . see, i acted sad in front of parents fr you okaaaay,
i can come to ur chalet ! im excussed from th msia tripp !
i will be there babehhh. woo . hahahaha. im so happy, cos you're happy :D
im gna make ur birthday a memorable one aites, along with th others.
i'll make sure they come. <3333

now stop it with th loner &emo thingy -.- lyly's here to save th day :DD
____________________________

hoping you would come around, but all you do is let me down.
you used to shine so bright but i watched all of it fade .

dont worry. like u said, i play with fire, im gona get burnt.
im strong. lets just see whats gna happen next yeah ?
i need advice. where's that person .

someone accompany me to fawwaz CLT pop on th 13th . i doubt myra can go , ape lagi danial-.-

k th story bong is starting. haha th kids are so cute.
___________________________________________
(edit)
wtfuck. you went missing since i think since i was p4 ? just bcos your own dad didnt leave you enough for you. &now u come back asking fr harta just after your own aunt meninggal. mate duitan ! stupid uncle. greedy fucker_|_ fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou. eeeessh, so geram !

NANA'S BACK NANA'S BACK NANA'S BACK :D
k outing asap people ! ((:

mann, i stayed home th whole day watching manjalara on youtube. th story is like some hindustan drama, terbelit2. so i just skipped manyy episodes-.- i seriously didnt have anth better to do-.- kay i'll start on my maths again tmr . yay .

ohh, i cant attend wj chalet this sunday): going to balek kamponnnggg and KL this sunday evening. i'll try to make up some excuse kay wj ? (:
ytd, went shopping! with wj. bought a supergirl shirt each. her font is gold whereas mine is bluee(: haha. then walked around marina square &went to roxy shop and tried dresses. omg, im in love with th dress above . but its like 70bucks... dream on lyly .

will be staying home th whole day tmr, i think. sayonaraaaa (:

i hate th feeling when you just confessed smth , &pretend evth's still th same. god, i hate myself for having this kind of thinking. so much for changing my mindset eh.
its just , disgusting when people confess those kind of stuff to me. idk why. kay , drop it .

been rotting at home whole day. oh well, at least i completed at least half of my emaths hw. ther's still amaths? nvm, i'll use today to finish up most of it.
ohoh, th mosquito bites on my legs are getting so irritating. &i cant stop myself from scratching it and making my skin tear again&again. ah shit. my legs are full of red bites &they're UGLAAAAY,

i have been thinking bout this. why does he get to be a close friend to me despite our past. we joke around &get along well. but why me &my past , total strangers ? ugh. its unfair y'know.

what is with this post. heh-.- outing with wj tmr maybe, &some event with mum's work tmr night. kay cool .

why do people like to say liao liao ? its so irritating &, tak perlu -.-
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have i gone wrong somewhere ? came back from camp, looking forward to outings with gfs. but, everyone's away. busy . or going through hard times. or maybe its just me , maybe im th one to blame ? okay idk. i miss all my gfs.