GET BACK ON YOUR FEET LY!

I CANT BE BOTHERED TO MEND WHAT'S DAMAGED ANYMORE. I'VE TRIED. THINK TWICE AGAIN, WHAT'S TH USE ? WHY HOLD ON TO A FRIENDSHIP THAT ISN'T TRUE, HOLD ON TO A FRIEND WHO DOESNT INSPECT BLACK&WHITE FIRST BEFORE CONCLUDING. YES I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE THINKING. I FUCKING LET GO OF THIS FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS GROUP OF FRIENDS, IM SORRY TO THOSE WHO ARE AFFECTED, ESP HALS OKAY.

HAPPY NOW? DAH BYE.
EH WAIT, I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. THERE WAS A REAL CASUALTY TODAY. KAKI PATAH &BENGKOK GILE BABI. HAHA.
COOL OKAY, THEN NCDCC HAD TO HELP. REAL ACTION! HAHAH OK SORRY.

"hold on, baby you're losing it
the waters high, your jumping into it
and letting go and no one knows
that you cry, but you don't tell anyone
and your tied together with a smile
but your coming undone"

some say it takes a better person to walk away. some say just be urself. but sometimes, when ur intentions are good, people just tend to misunderstand. then people will look at us differently. &sometimes, when u try ur best to reach out to someone, you get coldness. &thats when you just give up on that person.

i dont know why im making th first move in this everytime but its no use keeping it bottled up for quite some time. i can choose to quit it, but i can also choose to uphold it. its all or nothing. people can just htink whatever they think , cos i like who i am now .

well, if everyone wants to know whats in my mind, here it is.

oh gosh, now ure intruding into MY privacy? well, did i mention anth bout you fucking ur boyf/ex ? do you now how serious is that ? haha, well its okay. cos i know it aint true. you can like personally ask all th guys i went out with since ure so curious bout my life. &since you think that i've been blogging bout you,you think i so much time blog about u everyday ah ? pls lah, ive got better things to do, well, you misunderstood me i think. cos honestly speaking, i was referring to my ex, well most of it . my hatred to him is much more than my hatred to you.oh yeah , i do hate you esp for asking how it feels to get finger fucked by a guy and then get dumped. ahhaha. wow, i wonder which unreliable source did u get that from . well since you want me to blog bout you, here! :D i admit im super furious now but hey, ppl can get th REAL STORY here instead of gossiping here and there and listenting to ur false tales. &please, stop asking isa to pass whatever u said laa. &u said he was immature fr his age ? hah, u hardly knew him when u were with him so pls, get ur facts right. you want to report me to th teachers? well by all means(: haha big joke sia you. & what , u started kutuk-ing me just bcos of this blog thingy &ILYIA &cos ur ex teased u a little? hah, please ah. ilyia is just a good friend. well , unless ure jealous. dont think i dont know all ur dirty little secrets shas (: hehe. well, i would have cursed and swear but , i have my reasons. &why did i blog this out instead of talking to you? cos i rly cant stand ppl messing with my pride,(who can?) &all u can say in th msg was 'blabla' like you're some alien from outer space who doesnt know english language. hmm, well. u claim u want to beat me up? hehe, give me ur best shot (: im just next to ur class, u can burn my whole class skali if u want (: well, today is ur day , &i guess i'll just let god deal with th punishment. i wonder if u know how wrong is it to fitnah orang ? (:

dah im done, think twice ah. ure not even worth risking getting into trouble with th school. i've got a much more beautiful reputation to uphold ((:

THANK YOU WENJIA FOR TH TICKS <>

yaaaaaaaaaay just got back &i had a great time! altho th ride was boring&slow wenjia me and mab had great time taking pictures and making friends with one woman whos from england. haha. wanted to rush home to help in th save th earth thingy. but i couldnt resist but to watch th drama show &of course i need light to do some homework. haha. sorry earth ):

"cause with me its all or nothing,"

hi. past few days have been really , unexpected i guess.

free periods spent sliding 'letters' to unknown people under th door of th classroom next to library-.- baking of more cookies. rumours. &cca was fun, seeing new cadets learning to wear uniform altho there wasnt any footdrill): nevertheless, th sec1s really made my day(: so adorablee(: &ilyia just had to steal my baby picture frm me once again. nvm la, i think he rindu ah over th weekends. HAHA.
&that's all i can remember so far . hah.

chey chey chey. bagus ah tu. you're so full of fucking shit i cant stand, kopet.

okay flyer later with wenjia &mabelle. goodbyee (:

"i've had a little bit too much,"

inilah anak ciner sesat.

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind &look a bit harder. cos we’re so uninspired, so sick &tired of all the hatred you harbor. fuck youuu, fuck you very very much. cos your words don’t translate &it’s getting quite late, so please don’t stay in touccch. do you, do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful? cos there’s a hole where your soul should be. you’re losing control of it &it’s really distastefuuuuuuuul!

hi blog. i'll just keep things to myself. since i dont think anyone cares or feels th same way. i miss people, i miss the carefree days. people change, i change. i think im thinking too much of what everyone thinks, or rather, what they MAY BE thinking.

ku hodoh. aku digelar hodoh. uglyuglyugly. why not just disappear from this worrrrrlddddd if im so freaking uglaaaaaaay. this name calling is making my self esteem low. i dont know since when i take this kind of thing to heart. maybe cos i get it too often. hahaha. gosh, idk why im writing this down,

hahahaha. stupid bitch, just stop functioning ur brain. since when i started writing this kind of shit on my blog. idk. im just so freaking pissed and my mind is everywhere; from family to girlfriends to halals to studies to cca to almost evth.

sorry if im putting evth down here like frankly. thats why th font is small. to whoever who bother reading this till here, you just wasted ur time, hhaha. i reeaaaaaaaaaaly dont know who to turn to. &sometimes, u just talk to urself, like what im doing now. fuckfuck , hahaha. bye blog.

school's starting tomorrow , which means, mid years are nearby ):

okay, i miss alot of people currently. maybe this picture is famililar to some(: look closely at th words!
it's not th wrong spelling, it's 'HALS'. &yes, i fucking miss them like hell currently. everyone's busy with studies, their own cliques, family probs , relationships. &our outing that was supposed to be last week was even cancelled due to some reasons):

i remember th first day in Japan. i miss trying to freeze th icecream in th toilet sink; jumping on th bed &being so uncivilised-.- ; getting so excited over th ice machine outside th hotel corridor, running in and out as if we own th whole floor; &most of all , just pouring our feelings/problems out among th 4 of us. we weren't close then but somehow, we just felt comfortable sharing our heart's content. &i would really looovve another one of those 'dialougue sessions', cos i guess i rly need one now.

but i guess everyone's busy with their own life now . i remember one of us saying. what will happen after th trip? will all of us still acknowledge each other &make time for each other or will we be just total strangers. gosh, i hope that never will happen. k enough , can cry sia .

&of course, not forgetting my beloved unit(: didn't know i'd be sooo into this cca when i first converted to it during sec2. slowly, my passion for this cca just grew, god knows why. ups &downs were shared together with my 2 seniors, clarence and fawwaz. &those who converted along with me, hockmeng danial &myra . although we had little manpower, we received help from other UGs too. but of course, it was fawwaz who went through fuckloads of shit as he was th only sec4 left standing-.- soon, 4 of us took over &i really want to see th unit excel.

esp since its th 1st year we're getting tested for th UOPA &its my freaking last year-.- i guess i've done what i could, just leave it to god eh ? although some of them betul2 cekik darah. but i promised to do my best to change ppl's pandangan of my unit(: this cca has really mould me into a better person &i thank god fr that (:

well, if i can sweat &maybe even get injured fr my cca &excel in it, why not fr my studies right(:

"it takes a better person to walk away(:"

using my bro's new lappy(: pretty thing, i feel like swapping it with mine.

deleted previous post.

dah dah cukup. enough with this hate thingy. do wdv you want.

only god knows who u really are, &what kind of friends you have.

not worth our bitching time k girls ? (:

lets just do whatever we want that will make us happy(:

___

haha i read bedah's blog . ilyia better keep my picture in one piece, or i'll slaughter him alive. &i hope he reads this, stupid bab.

i've done all my homework and some malay practice &even revison on sec3 physics thanks to mr sean for th notes :D &im so satisfied with myself(:

not forgetting, my room is soo empty now. i reassembled my bigbig bunkbed myself(: , to make room for sofabed, desk, shelf, and laptop desk thingy(:

ohhh, &i just made my own cookies! although th 1st tray terbakar sikit:/

i want to bring it to sch on monday! then my partner has to be th first to taste it!(watch out wenjia).

not forgetting th 2 'gentlemen' beside us . haha! yaaaay (:

more revisions tmr(: ok bye !

"with every cruel intentions,

you helped me find my independence(:"

FLOUR!
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY, ELIZ! :D

hi. stop doing those bloody step sexy pose &at least have your own fashion sense la, PLEASE ! STOP THINKING PEOPLE CAN ONLY DIRECT ALL THEIR ATTENTION TO YOU . pls ah, cermin muke sendiri dulu lahhhhh. oh better, self reflect on black heart first (: cause one day you will see what everyone including your friends think of you. dont you think you're living in a world full of lies ? hah! amazing how people think we hate you cos we're jealous; haven't you heard that if many-many ppl are against you, means th problem lies with you? HUH, HAVE YOU ? k this is enough. i hope god really punish you for wdv ure doing. im not gonna curse and swear you(: tambah dosa je, hmph.

okay , one of my classmate stole my 5 year old picture. kay, did everyone see th previous sentence? i guess only the girls will kind of understand-.- im being a bitch. hahahhaha!

moving on , celebrated eliz bday ytd. skipped cca, was optional. sorry myra ! ): so, everyone came to my house. go to my multiply for th pictures. i will update it soon-.- okay, 2pics as a summary of that lovely day (:



i dont think im going to sentosa with th girls tmr): since nana &wenjia are not also &i've been enjoying too much this hols): i'll do my room evth by tmr. &finish up homework.

i typed alot today eh? im gona be a noob for this year.
woooooo~

"im here without you,

but you're still with me in my dreams."

i've got more ideas to design my rooom!

&im addicted to eliz's blog song. you'll be right here with mee (:
sooo, went to study everyday with friends,
did d&t whole day yesterday with myra, lesta &dzu. kinda awkward a little cause haven't seen them for ages.
then today, studied with th girls at bedok library. i managed to concentrate &did many sums (:
after KFC, went to IKEA . haha, had fun theree .

hahaaaa, &i almost forgot i need to go CDA with th sec1s tmr. like malas ah wna go-.-
i still haven't siapkan my uniform ! :O

"should have started running long long time ago, "

just finsished helping put my bro's cupboard tgt, & clearing up th kitchen. good daughter eh(:
&i thought i'd blog something out as this is th best way to express my feelings.

p.s. if you guys want to kpo2 read, can.. but if you got negative comments, just keep it to yourself, kay? (:

it's been one of th best moments of my life to be your cool and bestest buddy (maybe more) , &i really treasure each moment i spend with you. you know &i know how we feel fr each other. &knowing my character , well, you should know that i want to get what i want &i do what i want; like i dont like people controlling my actions and having to care what others feel &make my life more complicated cos you're jealous or angry. cos hey, i am single &i can do whatever i like(: right? &i really really hold strongly to my beliefs like 'no such things as love now', 'studies my priority now'. okay, i'll get to th point. i fucking hate it when you said that you took Os just to be with me fr another year. that totally sucks, & it's just plain stupid coming fr you. you flung ur common tests. hey, its not just some stupid test okay, those test shows how you've been coping with th first few topics of th year. &you cant even pass that? how do you know that you'll ever be ready fr Os if you dont take your tests seriously? what, you want to repeat th mistake ur 'brother' made ? gosh, pls. dont waste your time taking Os, if you choose to fail Os , might as well take th ite route right ? like, why waste a fucking year to just see my fucking face. dont tell me, love ah love? dumbshit, love fucking dont exist now. in a few years time, you'll just forget me , find someone new and better out there, who's worthy of your love when you're an adult alr. im not trying to make u upset or asking you to back out in th Os or wdv(which you cant) , just asking you to fucking WAKE UP YOUR IDEA. cause i really fucking care as a fucking close friend. what happened to your dreams to prove to everyone that you cn make it to JC? huh ? my dear isa, please, work hard fr your Os . NOT fr me, but fr yourself, okay? peace kay , dont beat me up when you see this (:
-
i saw something. THAT SMIRK . ahh !

"as far as im concerned,
you're just another picture to burn,"

HIII EVERYONEEEEEE!! :D
I NEVER FELT BETTER AT THIS POINT OF TIME IN MY LIFE, &I JUST REALISED (:

k, my dad just bought a skin fr my laptop. & it fucking looks gorgeous now! :D
&i just got back frm ikea. bought curtains &stuff. my room's gona get some makeover :D

okay, holidays aint holidays anymore. schedule is damn packed fr next week.
classes includes d&t which takes up my whole afternoon fr 5 consecutive days. lucky i only have to attend at least 1 day, cos i have been a good girl (:
catching up / outing with ncdcc peeps like haikal lesta ,
oh &also isa. it's been long since i hung out with him. see, i didn't forget you isa. be thankful you've got a friend like me! :D
planning to exercise often, keep fit &hapuskan th excess fats ! :D
furnace with my lovely sec1 cadets (aww, trust me , they're so fucking adorable &cooperative)
&&last but not least , SENTOSA OUTING WITH GIRLFIES ! i've been spending lots of times with them recently, &im having th time of my life :D

okay, so basically that's it. studies still my priority though. lots of stuff to squeeze into my tinywiny brain.
ohh if you know of any good chem tutor, pls intro me to him/her. looking fr one. thanks :D

fr you bedah (:
&oh! just concentrate on nana towards th end of th video. damn cute eh she! haha!



gosh , im stuck in my d&t. i hate the ideation part.

its not like drifitng away from one close friend is not enough,
why let th feelings of crush/'love' affect one's friendship ?

i've had enough , &sometimes i just wish a friendship between both sex is purely as friends.
nothing more.

HAPPY 17TH BEDAHHH! :D

okay , many things happened this week. soo, get ready fr a long post (:

first off, ptm ! ohmygod , i really hate MdmY. to th core. dont say im unreasonable or wdv shit when u didnt get her as ur form teacher fr 3 years !
so she complained that im too distracted &asked if im in a bgr. which made my mum think im in one. so basically she made my mum accuse me of stuff which were untrue at home_|_ msL. even said th opposite of what she said. see! dont u guys think mdmY. just can teach fr fck?
ugh, u just have to try seating in her lessons to knw what i mean. anyways, i failed 1 subject which was amaths. surprise surprise ? -.-
overall, i think th main objective of th ptm was so that th teachers could give bad remarks bout us so we would buck up. hah, im talking nonsense.
skiiiiipp ;

then today! halal outing cancelled! D:
so, cross country. first aider, ahh slack. then waited fr th others, bedah didnt manage to come when she was th bday girl): but we continued with th plan cos we bought th cake alr .
went under some block . took a video esp fr bedah(go see eliz blog or whoever's) .
thennn, FLOUR SESSION. hahah (once again, go look fr th video at whoever's blog). off to meryl hse to swim. had loads of fun :D if only wj and bedah could have come! grr.
-
its normal fr you to whine when someone disturbs you right ?
well, i cant help it if th 2 guys sitting beside me are 2 irritating idiots who keeps disturbing, kan ?! pfft.
dont get th wrong idea. clearing misunderstandings .

i would like to rant about many things, but yeah , not today. goodnight (:

idk what happened to you, since when huh ? oh maybe its sympathy cos many ppl just cant stand her! ohmygod, why are you not looking into her faults ?! oh blinded ah , i know why ! HAH .

" &i wonder if you know that i know, "

-candid shot , HAHA !

it's been long since i hugged that thing to bed, very long i guess.
msg/call only at night, no phone in th morning cos i cant be bothered to find a spare phone.

busy schedule this week. looking forward to friday afternoon.
k bye .

"state the obvious ,
i didnt get my perfect fantasy ."

070309, promoting national UG! < 3

how does it feel when everyone around you is used to joking around with you,
&when you talk about something serious, it turns out to be a joke to them, all of them.
&all you can do is just smile ? aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!

i hope someone understands, really.
oh, i had fun during exco step down yesterday. esp during th parade &the ending.
played with rain &hose &was soaking wet! :D heheeeeeeeee .

p.s. my phone is sent for servicing, so.. pandai2 ah contact me (:

"you can't give up looking for a diamond in th rough ,

you'll never know when it shows up."

mountain @thailand '08 . see th clouds ! :D

bro texted warning me that mum found my letters from friends/family.
i was terribly shocked &frightened. mum called &warned &told me to go home straight .
i didnt -.- but as soon as i reached home , she just told me ;
"who's isa? better not let me catch you trying to be funny ah. kiss kiss. anytime i can check ur phone. takde kerje eh write letters, can study all, go write letters."
hahaha. god, unexpected from my mum ? thought she would have slaughtered me-.-

okay blah , i think for now, i'll just go with th flow or bottle up my feelings until i explode.
gaboom !

"she's got everything i have to live without,"

-when physics teacher doesn't give a damn about th class./

i feel lost . i feel cold. i feel like sleeping to just run away from all these shit that's happening . life is changing. feelings are changing. everyone is changing . either for th better, or worst . my unit's gonna crash &burn. future sncos are slacking. i've got to do something, fast. i cant give up on them although they're pathetic. sometimes i just wish someone can tell what's my faults so i can improve. so i can have a wake up call. i think i need one . hah .
____________
you know what ?
i feel like banging my head against my laptop. aaaaaaaaah!!!!
i fucking need to get this off my chest. i need to talk to some reliable person who would understand. i cant keep this inside any longer ! oh god. fuck you, you shd have kept your mouth shut ! D: